Darkest Dreams Read online

  Dedication

  To all those who bring the gifts of love, acceptance, laughter and healing to my life. You are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you.

  “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.”

  Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)

  Chapter One

  Dartmoor’s End, England, 1879

  The distant cry, pitched perfectly to my roiling feelings, drew my gaze toward the sea. A lone gull hovered over the terns and pelicans, looking as I felt, adrift and alone. People rushed to and fro upon the busy port’s dock while sailors loaded and unloaded cargo and fishermen shouted over the bounty of their morning’s catch. I stood in the center of it all, trapped within my family’s loving circle, yet more alone and lost than I had ever been in my life. In many ways I was like my namesake, Andromeda, chained to the rocks in the sea, waiting to be devoured by a lurking monster. Except, I knew no Perseus would come swooping down to rescue me from my fate, and my monster didn’t lie within the sea, but within myself.

  The tangy breeze did little to refresh me, and the bright day did little to warm me, for it was only a matter of time before I would have to leave my family, and the looming void left me cold inside. But hiding the truth of what I had become from them grew more and more difficult every day.

  Death had brought my sisters and me to Dartmoor’s End and the wilds of the Cornish coast, but love had kept us here, as my sister Cassie, in her search for the truth about our cousin Mary’s disappearance, had met and married Sean Killdaren.

  Unfortunately, the bizarre unfolding of events over the past two months had unleashed a disquiet within me that I couldn’t seem to lay to rest with the soothing balm of Mary’s funeral and Cassie’s quiet marriage, as other Andrews family members had. I’d moved beyond the safe confines of artifacts and the past to interact with more people than I had in years and had discovered my gift of “seeing” into people’s minds had honed itself to an unbearable point. And just as disturbing were my highly improper thoughts about Sean’s twin brother, Lord Alexander Killdaren, Viscount Blackmoor.

  Besides being the most dynamic person I’d ever met, Alexander was also the most intriguing. In our short association, I’d touched him several times and had yet to see into his mind. I wasn’t sure if it was the man or if it was fate. My ability to see into people’s minds was fickle in that I never knew if I would receive an image, a thought, an emotion or a feeling, but I always saw something besides the dark, obscure cloud I got from Alexander.

  Nearby, a horse neighed, snatching my attention. My heart sped before I realized Alexander wouldn’t be racing his thunderous horse on the docks. The sound had come from the deck of a ship where sailors were attempting to calm a fiercely wild, and very pregnant, black mare.

  Sighing, I forced a smile in place and focused on my family’s bantering goodbyes to my parents. They’d returned from Greece in time for Mary’s funeral and were thrilled to be here for Cassie’s wedding, but now had to finish their archeological expedition before their expected return to Oxford.

  “Are you all right, Andrie?” Cassie asked, touching my hand in concern.

  I nodded and braced myself for her thoughts. Instead of the thrill of her trysting with Sean, I felt nausea and a knot of worry about the future roiling inside her.

  “You’re ill. You shouldn’t have come,” I whispered. She snatched her hand back from mine. I reached for her again, concerned, and she immediately stepped away. Pain squeezed my heart as I dropped my hand.

  Cassie was the closest of my family to me, not that I didn’t dearly love my sister Gemini, my parents and all of their chaotic affectations. But Cassie with her dreams and I with my “sight” had always been a little apart from everyone, and had learned at an early age to hide our gifts from others. Since coming to Killdaren’s Castle and her marriage, Cassie and I had grown apart in some ways, and I’d yet to divulge to her the change in my gift, how much more I could see into a person’s mind now than before. It was too embarrassing and disturbing. I didn’t want everyone I knew questioning what I could see of their secret thoughts every time I touched them.

  She sighed. “I’m sorry, Andrie. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have intruded.”

  “You didn’t. I’ll explain later,” Cassie whispered just before our mother approached, enveloping us in a big hug, and knocking her bonnet awry.

  Cassie adjusted our mother’s bonnet with a loving pat. “Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine.”

  “I’m here, dears!” Aunt Lavinia called out. I glanced over to where Gemini was helping our aunt carry her satchel of “emergency” necessities. With the way they were struggling, I had to wonder if the bag weighed more than Aunt Lavinia. There was no doubt that it outweighed Gemini.

  I squeezed my mother’s shoulder, reading her thoughts. Phoebe Andrews lived her life torn between being with her husband and her children. For the first ten years she stayed with us and pined for our father. Now, she traveled with him, but fretted about us. “Stop worrying,” I told her. “You’re doing the right thing by insisting Aunt Lavinia accompany you to Greece. Being with us here is too painful for her right now.” My aunt would never say so, but the loss of Mary, her only child, had taken the very heart out of life for her. I hoped that by traveling to a new land, Aunt Lavinia would discover something more for her life than her sorrow and her sudden interest in wine. “We’ll be perfectly fine staying with Cassie until you return. My only request is that you send the next shipment of artifacts to me here. I don’t want to have to wait so long before I can catalogue more treasures.”

  Laughing, my mother kissed my cheek. “I’ll talk to your father.”

  “About what?” my father said, joining us with a frown, trying to appear as fierce as an ancient warrior might have looked going into battle, and failing. He’d always be the lost professor, with his rumpled cravat and dreamer’s blue eyes. Currently, my parents were on a quest to locate a golden temple Alexander the Great had built to Apollo.

  My mother patted my father’s sleeve. “Why, dear, to convince you to put some artifacts in Andrie’s hands as soon as possible rather than make her wait until we all return to Oxford.”

  “That’s my girl. You love archeology as much as I do.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, imbuing me with a keen sense of his pride. Part of me wanted to lean into him and revel in his approval, while at the same time, part of me wanted to hide, for it wasn’t love of archeology, but rather desperation that drove me.

  My father reached into his pocket. “In fact, I’ve an artifact I brought with me this morning.”

  The ring sparked green fire as the sun glinted off the emeralds lining the golden serpent’s spine and dotting its eyes. Immediately, I called to mind Alexander Killdaren’s eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

  “It is for you,” my father said softly.

  “Me?”

  “Yes.”

  Reverently, I took the ring from my father, my fingers tingling when I touched his hand. Tears misted my eyes at the contact, because for the very first time the depth of his love for me was apparent. I thought I knew my father well. I had read his emotions and thoughts many times over the years, but I’d never seen into his heart as clearly as I did at that moment. His passion for archeology, which usually was the topic our conversations, had blurred my vision from seeing the truth of his emotions. The revelation stunned me.

  I stood there, staring at the ring with wonder, prompting my father to laugh. “Here, let me put it on your finger. Your mother and I thought this would be the perfect way to let you know how much we appreciate all your help.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered past the lump of emotion i
n my throat as he took my lace-gloved hand and slid the ring on my finger.

  “The ring is thought to be over two thousand years old, belonging to a woman known only as Aphrodite during Alexander the Great’s reign.”

  “Oh, thank you, thank you.” I gave him a big hug, thrilled to have thousands of years of history on my finger.

  My father patted my back, blinking quickly behind his spectacles. “Darned wind is drying my eyes,” he said, taking off his glasses and rubbing them on his coat sleeve. I blinked at my own tears, holding out my hand to look at the ring.

  “Oh, Andrie,” Cassie squealed with delight. “It is so beautiful.”

  “Most beautiful,” my mother said. “And so well deserved. You should be paid for all the work you do cataloguing artifacts for us.”

  “Nonsense. I love doing it.” Would be truly lost without it.

  “Nevertheless, we feel as if we’re taking advantage of your good heart. I hope this conveys both our appreciation and love.”

  “It’s too much, but I’ll not give it up.” Smiling, I stared at the serpent’s green eyes. I’d not only be able to carry a part of the past with me, but I’d always have a reminder of Lord Alexander Killdaren. The vibrant emeralds matched his eyes so perfectly, they could have been mined directly from them.

  Aunt Lavinia and Gemini lumbered to our side, wrestling with the satchel. A suspicious clink sounded as the satchel fell to the dock.

  Flushed, Aunt Lavinia fanned her face and peered down at the case. “Oh, dear.”

  Gemini dotted her brow with the scented handkerchief from her pocket. “It feels as if she has a half a castle in there.”

  “Half?” I lifted an eyebrow at the overloaded satchel. “From your struggle, I’d wager my new dress that she has a whole castle in there.”

  Gemini laughed. “It would be wise, dear sister, to never wager the clothes on your back. You might find yourself naked on the street one day.”

  “Let’s pray not,” my father commented with a scowl. “Whatever do you have in there, Lavinia?”

  “Just emergency supplies, Thomas.” Aunt Lavinia leaned over and whispered something to my mother. A scarlet blush flagged my mother’s cheeks.

  My father cleared his throat and tugged the front of his tweed jacket in place. “Well, I’m certainly not going to carry that bag by hand all the way to Greece. Let the steward handle it with the rest of our trunks.”

  “I can’t do that. They surely would break something.” Aunt Lavinia set her hand on her ample hip, her brow creased with worry.

  Cassie knelt beside the bag. “I think something did break. There’s a stain on the side.”

  I joined her, planning to help her with the satchel, for I was worried about her. She appeared pale, and a fine sheen of perspiration dotted her cheeks. Then I noticed the smell of sweet spice, so at odds with the salty breeze and the fish laden boats.

  Cassie sniffed the air then frowned. “It can’t be,” she whispered, reaching for the satchel’s buckles.

  I sighed. “I think it is.”

  Aunt Lavinia waved her hand at us. “I’m sure everything is just fine, dears. I’ll check inside the bag just as soon as I am settled in my stateroom.”

  But she spoke a fraction too late. Cassie popped open the bag. Inside was a dozen, if not more, bottles of wine. Spiced wine. A Killdaren family recipe and a wine that brought back keen memories of the last evening I’d seen Lord Alexander. The night I’d almost felt normal for the first time in my life. Lord Alexander had had an elegant dinner party at Seafarer’s Inn and had invited me, Gemini and Aunt Lavinia. It had been the most exciting night of my life. The wine, music and intimate conversation with him still filled my daydreams.

  “Aunt Lavinia!” Cassie exclaimed.

  “Good heavens, dear,” Aunt Lavinia gasped at Cassie. “Close that bag before you give everyone the wrong impression. It’s for medicinal purposes, I assure you. Mr. Killdaren agreed with my assessment of the wine’s properties and gave me an adequate supply.”

  “Oh, might I have just one bottle, Auntie?” Gemini batted her lashes.

  “Certainly not,” Cassie exclaimed. She caught my shoulder to balance herself as she quickly stood. Her slight dizziness shocked me as much as the word steaming in her mind. Aphrodisiac. Whatever did such an outrageous idea have to do with the wine?

  Cassie released me and settled her hands on her hips as a glint sparked from her narrowed eyes. “Sean gave you this supply?”

  “Most certainly. Very nice of him, indeed.” Aunt Lavinia nodded, answering Cassie. “Its effects on the circulation are phenomenal.”

  “I’m sure.” Cassie didn’t sound happy with her husband.

  I closed Aunt Lavinia’s bag, thinking there might be a grain of truth to the notion, and wondered about her recent affinity for wine. I clearly recalled the heated flush that had filled me the evening I’d imbibed the spiced wine. Details of Lord Alexander that night were unforgettable—his full mouth, the way he so deftly handled the cards, the smoothness of his voice, the lure of his scent, and the fact that I had touched him several times, read nothing, and felt normal. I’d wondered ever since if my desire for him had blinded my gift. It was a very nice thought.

  My father’s scowl deepened. “Well, I’m not carrying a bag of wine around Greece, Lavinia. The establishments we will be visiting have a supply from the world’s best vineyards.”

  “Thomas, might I have a word with you?” My mother caught my father’s arm and tugged him to the side. “Remember last night…” The rest of her words died to a whisper. I watched as his eyes widened.

  My father cleared his throat and picked up the heavy bag. “Since you feel this is necessary, Lavinia, I’ll assure its safety during the trip.”

  The ship’s horn sounded, calling all last-minute passengers to board.

  “Thomas!” Aunt Lavinia gasped. “I believe I can carry the bag now.”

  He walked off toward the gangplank, a very odd smile on his face. “Nonsense, Lavinia. Phoebe and I will take care of it.”

  My mother followed my father, smiling oddly as well. Realization dawned on me about what that smile meant as Aunt Lavinia went after them in a huff. I was just glad there weren’t any last-minute hugs from my parents. Cassie’s thoughts about Sean were bad enough. My parents and aunt boarded the ship safely and waved one last time before disappearing below. My mother could never stand to stay on deck and watch us slowly fade into the distance. She always wanted her last memory of us to be sharp and clear in her mind. I understood her desire, but wondered if it was possible. Over time, everyone faded.

  “Whatever was that about?” Gemini asked as she turned from the ship.

  “Nothing, Gemmi,” Cassie said firmly before I could respond. “You’d best adjust your bonnet or you’ll get sunburned.”

  Gemini gasped and squashed her bonnet around her face so that she could barely peep out.

  I laughed at how quickly Cassie had distracted Gemini from being too curious over the situation with the spiced wine and its unusual properties. Gemini was currently trying to catch the attention of Sean Killdaren’s friend, Lord Ashton, but thus far had had no luck. To have her complexion marred by the sun even for a day would have her swooning.

  My voice caught in my throat as I was about to comment that Gemini’s nose was already irrevocably red, even though it wasn’t. The sound of horses’ hooves on the shore along with the act of everyone turning and gasping with awe and fear told me that he had arrived at the docks. Lord Alexander Killdaren, Viscount Blackmoor.

  Though the mystery surrounding Mary’s death had been solved, the murder of Lady Helen Kennedy eight years ago had not been. Since Sean Killdaren and Lord Alexander Killdaren were the last ones to see her alive, and a witness had seen one of them leaving the scene of the murder, a dark cloud of suspicion hung over their lives. To this day the villagers gave the Killdaren twins a wide berth. Neither Cassie nor I believed the rumors. She was sure Sean was innocent, and I was
convinced Lord Killdaren was too.

  He leapt from the saddle and strode down the dock, a commanding figure to be reckoned with. Shockingly dressed in only snug black pants, a loose white shirt and knee-high boots, he could have easily been a swashbuckling pirate from a reckless age. His dark hair framed strong features and lay wildly windblown well over the collar of his shirt. Thick muscles strained against his clothes as he walked. His charismatic aura jarred the world around him like a stiff wind from the dark sea and blasted me as he neared.

  He must have felt my regard, for he suddenly gazed right at me. I stared directly at him as if possessed by a need and will greater than any rule of propriety I’d ever learned. “Lord Alexander is great indeed,” I murmured.

  “What?” Cassie asked, following my gaze with hers. She gasped and grabbed my hand. I heard the “Sean” that rang through her mind before her pulse steadied and she whispered, “Alexander.” All of that pent-up worry I’d felt in her earlier escaped in his name.

  As we stared at him, he nodded his head politely then passed by without offering a cordial greeting before going to the ship where I’d seen the wild horse being gentled.

  “What is it?” I asked Cassie, wanting to know about the angst inside her. “What is wrong?”

  “Andrie. I don’t know what I am going to do.”

  I couldn’t stop myself. At the note of despair in her voice, I tightened my grip on her hand and focused my whole gift on seeing into her.

  “Oh dear,” I said, reeling beneath the revelation. “I mean what wonderful news, but oh, dear.”

  “That doesn’t half convey my sentiments. I don’t know why I didn’t foresee this fear. I never dreamed I would be afraid to tell Sean that we are going to have a child, but now that I am, I am worried. What if I’m pregnant with twins?”

  “Surely you don’t believe Sean and his brother are truly cursed, that one will kill the other.”

  Cassie sighed. “It’s hard to refute a thousand years of history that shows when twins are born into the Killdaren family, one has killed the other. It doesn’t matter if I believe in the Dragon’s Curse or not, though, Sean does. Alexander does. Somehow, if we are ever to be free of it, I have to find a way to break the curse in their minds, hopefully before I tell Sean of the baby. That way I’ll know he really believes he is free from the past and not just pretending in order to make me happy. But how? As long as none of us ever see or speak to Alexander, there is no hope of things changing. They’ve spent eight years avoiding each other.”